Give and Take

Sometimes I get asked about the mom life and how I deal with it as a fire wife. All I know is what I have experienced. Like any parent there are the highs and lows. There are the choices from the very beginning: breastfeeding or formula, when to take a child in when they’re sick and what’s not a big deal. Then there’s the fun things like all the milestones of watching your kids growing up. That first word, tooth, or step can be such a joyful moment. The moments most parents love to see and get to share.

But the main difference I have noticed when looking back at the stages my girls have gone through is trying to remember if my husband was home for it or not. I noticed it the most with our first born. Everything was new for me and all a new learning experience. Looking back there was so much that my husband missed of her first milestones. Like those first couple of weeks when I tried to change her onesie and her umbilical cord had dried and was completely stuck to it. Thankfully my sister who is an experienced mom helped me and kept me calm when I was on the verge of tears. Or another time I woke up to my daughter saying “dada” and no one else was around to hear it. The list goes on from the first rolling over, to her walking, and even now it continues with school events and first dance classes missed. It is always hard and makes me a little sad when he is gone for long periods of time, comes home, and the first thing out of his mouth to the girls is “Oh my, you have gotten so big!” Those moments are hard as a fire wife.

I remember this one time after having our second daughter, it actually happened to be the first time I braved going out with two. I was meeting two girlfriends at the park and felt it was a good first outing, calm, and nice weather, no big deal. But then my oldest went down the slide and was launched into the cement curb leaving the biggest goose egg. I got her home as fast as I could to ice it. And watched her like a hawk for any signs of a concussion. I took her in the next morning and she was good. It was a hard day and my daughter still has some faint scar tissue build up on her forehead as a wonderful reminder. (Insert sarcasm) As a more experienced mom of two I look back and wish I had dealt with the situation different. It all turned out alright though. The biggest point is that I wish my husband would’ve been home.

Don’t get me wrong he has been home for some of the most amazing times as well, when we were lucky. He made our first born laugh for the first time, he was home for both of our girls births, and much more. I love to watch his face light up when he gets to see those firsts and the special moments. There isn’t any remedy for the way things are and we have learned and accept the fact it is just part of our lives. Ive learned it is all about the give and take. I try not to let the stings of guilt when moments are missed linger too long. And try to document it all so he can at least be some part of it. Being a mom isn’t easy and raising fire kids has proved to be even harder. But I take the fact that they get to grow up being part of something bigger then themselves. I mean not every kid gets to get the grand tour of a fire engine every time they visit dad at work. So, even though he has missed a lot, my girls are also learning the very meaning of what it looks like to be completely selfless and to serve others in their most desperate times of need.

(My husband w/our first daughter who he was seeing walk for the first time)

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