Here I am in mid summer and so far it hasn’t been as bad. Regardless of what each shift or season holds there are always going to be those days when I just need a break. A funny side note because the title could kind of sound harsh, the Kit-Kat commercial song is what’s running through my head as I am typing about this. Haha But in all seriousness sometimes I get to these points with my husband gone on shift and the kids are home with me and I just think to myself, “I NEED A BREAK”. And those are some of the moments when I begin to miss my husband. I realize the importance of having those few seconds to take a guiltless shower, workout or run to the store for a quick errand alone. They may not sound like much but they make all the difference.
Over the years I have gotten better about communicating these needs to my husband. Even this last year I started to get my hair done again. Which for me is a big deal and I sometimes will even feel guilty about spending money on that. Taking these little moments have become easier since my kids are a little more independent but when they were babies it was so hard. The constant worrying or feeling like I needed to hurry back home when they were babies was always there in my mind. To make it clear it wasn’t there because of my husband or anyone else, I alone felt that way because of myself. It’s this broad season of life when I believe as moms we’re figuring it out and no one knows the perfect formula. My babies are so dependent upon me and as a fire wife I am a lot of the time their only constant person, so I would get a little stressed leaving them behind to do something for myself.
Let me just say this if it is something you are currently feeling like. IT GETS BETTER. Sure a lot of the time I spend is at home with them and it’s great, but there are the days when it is a struggle. Learning how to communicate with my husband or figuring out friends, family or a babysitter to take care of my kids so I can get a moment of feeling like an adult is okay. And it is okay to want those moments. There have been times when I can go days without talking to another adult and it doesn’t dawn on me until my husband asks if I talked to anyone that day. Sometimes my answer is no. Then there are the times and this is kind of funny but I will be talking to someone and be like hold on I need to use the potty. Ha! And in those moments I am like, I definitely need more adult time and conversations.
There is a whole army of fire wives out there that understand these types of times in our lives. What has helped me through the years are those people who understand. But also more then anything what has helped me is communicating how I am feeling in a respectful way to my husband. That, hey I need to slip away for a moment or I am going to have a girls night next week. He is way more receptive to that then me blowing up on him because I am at my wits end and I waited too long to share my feelings. I also want to say the same in reverse. Speaking for myself in all these things. I also think these things for my husband as well. Sometimes his job can be a lot of expectation and coming home it can be the catch up game and expectations of needing to help out. But, sometimes he needs a break too. He needs some guy time and not the guys he is forced to be on shift with but guys who genuinely care about him as well. And I know he struggles with the whole guilt thing too. Spending time off to go do something for himself. Both of our state of minds are able to reset when we allow ourselves the time to do so.
These days don’t always happen as often as we would like but we (my husband and I) have realized over the years the difference they make. So from time to time we make them a priority. Life can get so hectic and busy that often we forget to take care of ourselves. If you’re in this hard season of life remember you’re not alone. I totally get it. Like I said every season and every shift in the fire life throws new things at me and sharing with you what helps me will hopefully help you too. Because you matter.