I See You

I see you though sometimes I don’t relate.

To the mama, I see the moments of hiding in the closet to get 2 sec of peace, the feelings of panic and frustration as your kid throws yet another tantrum. The loss of an unborn child, and the lonely nights of wishing you could conceive. I see you mama when you wish you didn’t have to make dinner, do the dishes, or the laundry one more time. I see you attempting the yard work, the home repairs, the things most wives never have to face. I see you the moment your head hits the pillow realizing you’re spending yet another night in your big bed alone. I see when your effort of getting out of the house goes unnoticed because dang it, it can be hard. I see the friends and family who ask yet again where your husband is even though you’ve explained his shift for the hundredth time. I see you trying to make every holiday memorable even if you’re celebrating it on another day. I see the days where you realized you haven’t showered or spoken to another adult. I see the losses, the ER visits, the wiping of sick kids noses. I see you pushing your limits to get your kids to their practice, their game, their recital or school function. And even though there may be the days where you question your marriage and your life please understand you are seen.

I see the girlfriend whose feelings are swept under the rug because their commitment doesn’t seem as valued because of a lack of paper. I see the loneliness and longing for being included in the fire wife life. I see your effort to belong. I see the family and friends nod their heads or tell you you’re overreacting. I see the uncertainty that this life is or isn’t what you want. I see it and I have been there.

I see the widow. I see the pain of trying to make light of a dark situation. I see the disbelief that this is your life and where do you fit in. I see the awkward moments where people don’t know what to say. I see you navigate this new life and not letting it be lived in vain. I see your strength whether you may not. I see you take on judgment from every choice and action. I see you explain over and over the events. I see the healing that may never feel complete. I see the time spent sobbing. I see you build up your fellow widow and bring a community where no one wants to be a part of. I may not understand or want to but I see you too.

Though we may all not share our struggles and life together know you’re seen and you are loved. You are the glue and every hard day and every struggle leads the way. Because you who are reading this and drawing strength, or crying because someone else understands, you can also be that for someone else too. We are fire family in one form or another. And through the years I have cried many times for you although you may never have known. I pray for you and my hope is to encourage you and tell you, I see you. To help you for a second feel that someone else knows and is routing for you. Because I am. I see you, I see you, I see you.

Published by confessionsofafirefighterwife

Firefighter wife, mama, and Christian. Sharing the struggles, blessings, good, bad and everything in between.

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